With the 4th of July rapidly approaching I am sure your thoughts like those of the Fat Dad are turning evermore to backyard grilling. For many the 4th is yet another excuse to pull out the well worn Weber, fire up a chimney full of briquettes, flip burgers and dogs and oggle the neighbor's well toned trophy wife. Other grill guys make a big batch of their famous slow smoked ribs, dripping with sweet and savory sauces that are as good soaked up with white bread and poured into a pan of baked beans as they are on the ribs themselves. But Fat Dad is looking for something different. Sure burgers, dogs and ribs are among the staples that have made this once mortal male into the Fat Dad he is today, but innovation is what makes this country great, and it is innovation we should honor on Independence Day (I will however bow to tradition when it comes to oggling the neighbors well toned trophy wife). To that end I have put together a 4th of July menu that is different than you average backyard fare, but I feel still keeps with the spirit of a good ol' fashion 4th of July backyard BBQ. The staples are all there, just slightly tweaked. But first . . . a short discussion of the backyard BBQers number one nemesis, the mosquito.
There are over 2500 species of mosquitoes worldwide and sometimes it feels like every damn one of them is in my backyard. Maybe its just me but lately it seems like the small annoying mosquito of my youth has been replaced by a hummingbird sized sucker capable of carrying off a small dog. Regardless of their size these flying blood suckers are annoying as hell, and it seems there is little you or I can do about. I paid for the house, but the mosquito owns the backyard. Talk about unfair. I didn't see his name on any of the checks Fat Dad's been stroking to the mortgage company. What purpose, aside from general annoyance, does the mosquito serve anyway? For an answer to this question Fat Dad turned to the fine folks at the American Mosquito Control Association or AMCA. According to the AMCA:
"Mosquitoes fill a variety of niches which nature provides. As such, placing a value on their existence is generally inappropriate. Although the fossil record is incomplete, they have been known from the Cretaceous Period (about 100 million years ago) in North America. Their adaptability has made them extraordinarily successful, with upwards of 2,700 species worldwide. Mosquitoes serve as food sources for a variety of organisms but are not crucial to any predator species. "
In other words the mosquito is completely useless. With that mystery solved we turn to another more important question: How can the outdoorsperson avoid the bite of this tiny bloodsucker? Again a word from the AMCA:
"If possible, schedule your activities to avoid the times when mosquitoes are most active - usually dawn and dusk. You should also dress in light, loose-fitting clothing. If you have a deck, light it using General Electric yellow "Bug Lights". These lights are not repellent, per se, but do not attract mosquitoes like other incandescent lights. Mosquitoes are relatively weak fliers, so placing a large fan on your deck can provide a low-tech solution."
Gee, Thanks AMCA. First off, I can only assume that the statement that mosquitoes are most active at dawn and dusk was supposed to say "from dawn to dusk" which is certainly the case at my house, and I have no intention of avoiding outdoor activities during all daylight hours. Second, have you ever seen a house with those freaky yellow porch lights? I take pride in my home, and I'm not all that excited about making it look like the Bates Motel. As far as dressing in light loose fitting clothing, Fat Dad routinely kicks it in the backyard sans shirt in a bathing suit, occasionally flip-flops and a baseball cap are employed (I would also note that the cap is worn bill facing forward the way God intended). This is the uniform and it shall remain the uniform. Besides, because of Fat Dad's girth nothing he owns can be considered "loose-fitting".
The AMCA having dropped the ball bigtime on this query I was loath to trust any other information they might provide. However, as might be ascertained from the above information on what supposedly works, the AMCA does seem to know what does not work at all, namely bug zappers, citronella candles and ultrasonic devices. Well what does work? For an answer to this question Fat Dad turned his back on the AMCA and did a little field testing. The result? Fat Dad's mosquito free cocktail recipe: An hour before the festivities begin fog the hell out of your backyard with no less than two cans of fogger. Fat Dad likes whatever is cheapest at the big box hardware store. Next light a few citronella candles and put them in strategic places but away from where little hands might grab at them ( Screw you AMCA, I know they work). Finally, light the grill. Mosquitoes hate smoke, so as long as your doing the grilling over live fire, which you should if you have any respect for yourself, anything that survives the fogging will hopefully be driven away. Admittedly, this solution will only buy you 5 or 6 hours at the most of mosquito free livin', but if you're doing it right you'll be too drunk to care by then anyway. Now on to the food . . .
As I said above, this 4th of July menu has all the traditional elements of your typical Independence Day backyard get together I just tweaked it a bit to put my own non-traditional slant on things.
The Snacks:
When your guests arrive the food won't be ready. Why? Because any real grill king likes to stand around sipping his beverage of choice while he pokes at the fire and generally acts like he's in charge and that he is doing something magical that you can't do. Fat Dad is no exception. So to keep the natives from getting restless Fat Dad likes to put out a few snacks to tantalize the taste buds for whats to come.
Pablono Cheese:
South of the Mason Dixon line we Southerners like to eat our fair share of pimento cheese. If you were raised or live in the South you probably have a recipe from your grandmother for making the stuff that includes jarred pimentos, processed American cheese and mayo. While there is nothing wrong with your Mawmaw's classic version I think you'll like this one even better. And if you still want to make your usual, go ahead, just try substituting roasted pablonos for the pimentos. Also, I recommend making this a few hours or even days in advance. It really is better if the flavors have some time to meld before you serve.
ingredients:
2 pablono peppers
vegetable oil
1 lb good quality sharp cheddar cheese (I use Cracker Barrel brand), grated
1/2 cup (4 oz) room temperature cream cheese
1/2 cup mayo
1 tsp of sugar
worcester sauce
hot sauce (optional)
Turn on your broiler and put your oven rack in the top position. Then slice the tops off the peppers and remove the stem. Slice the peppers lengthwise in half, discard the seeds, and if you want remove the white membranes. Place the tops and pepper halves on a baking sheet, skin side up. Press down on the peppers to flatten a bit. (They may break a little bit, no biggie) Sprinkle with vegetable oil and then rub the skin good to make sure its all thinly coated with the oil. Place under the broiler. Keep an eye on things. Depending on the heat of your broiler it might take 5 minutes it might take 15, but I promise you as soon as you turn your back those peppers will burn. Once the skin starts to bubble and is blackened in some spots remove the peppers from the oven and wrap the baking sheet in aluminum foil. Walk away.
While the peppers cool, in a mixing bowl blend the mayo and cream cheese. Add the grated cheddar and mix well. Add sugar, and a few splashes of worcester. Mix again. Back to the peppers.
Remove the foil from the baking pan. Hopefully the steam from the peppers will have loosened the skin and you can peel it right off. If not hold the peppers under running water and peel it off in pieces. Be careful the pepper is fragile and you don't want any breaking off and going down the drain. Get as much skin off as possible, its fine if some remains. Pat the peppers dry and cut into a 1/4 inch dice. Add the diced peppers to the cheese mix and stir well. Give it a taste. If heat wise its to your liking then you can season with salt and pepper to taste and your done. If its not hot enough for you add a few dashes of your favorite hot sauce. If its too hot for you you're a pansy. Put the pablono cheese in a container with a lid and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours and up to a few days. When your ready to serve you can just open the top and serve with saltines, or you can unmold the cheese onto a tray and serve with various types of fancy crackers or scoop-size Fritos or you can do what my Great Aunt Jane used to do and cut the crusts off thin white bread slices and make little sandwiches. If you have no desire to reach the epic proportions of Fat Dad you can cut some of the calories and spread the cheese into celery ribs. The cool crunch of the celery is a great contrast to the spice of the cheese. Its up to you. If you have any leftover, which you probably won't, it makes a great topping for a hamburger or hot dog, but that's for another post.
Deviled Green Eggs and Ham:
Deviled eggs are classic picnic/BBQ side dish and if your like me you have probably eaten great renditions and plenty of nasty ones. When they're good they can be great, but when they're bad, boy oh boy can they be bad. One issue I run into with deviled eggs is my wife, Skinny Mom, hates them. She hates the way they look, the way they smell, and, I'm sure if I could ever get her to eat one, she would hate the way they taste. But this dish is really sort of a quasi deviled egg that even Skinny Mom can't complain about. Instead of using the yolks, the part that gives the eggs their stink, to make the filling, we use avocados.
ingredients:
1 dozen large eggs
2 ripe avocados
2 cloves of garlic
kosher salt
1 Tbs lime juice
4 slices lean bacon
Place the eggs in a pot and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil. As soon as the water starts to boil remove from the heat and cover. Let eggs stand for 10 to 12 minutes. Drain and cool under cold water to stop the cooking. Peel, cut in half lengthwise and remove the yolks, being careful to keep the egg white shells intact. If you are a Skinny Dad who aspires to be a Fat Dad eat the yolks. If you are a Fat Dad, eat the yolks. Otherwise just discard the yolks or feed to your soon to be very gassy dog. Set the shells on a plate, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate.
Finely chop 2 gloves of garlic. Place the garlic in a bowl and sprinkle with a good pinch of salt. Use a fork to smoosh the garlic and salt into a paste. Cut the avocados in half, remove the seed and scoop the flesh into the bowl with garlic. If you are not familiar with how to cut up an avocado, it can be tricky so take a look here first http://www.flickr.com/photos/ginatrapani/2490741425/
Use the fork to mash the avocado into a chunky guacamole, and mix well with the garlic/salt paste. Add 1 Tbs of lime juice, mix well and taste. Add salt if necessary.
Spoon guacamole into a gallon ziplock bag and force the mixture into one of the corners. Twist the portion of the bag above the guacamole to create a sort of tight triangle of guac. Cut off the tip of the filled end of the bag and use it like a pastry bag to fill the egg shells. It sounds complicated, but its easier than trying to spoon the guac into the shells, and will help prevent breakage. Once the shells are filled, cover with plastic wrap and put back in the fridge.
Cook the bacon in the microwave until crispy. (2 to 3 minutes depending on the type of bacon you use) Drain on paper towels, and then crumble. Right before you serve the eggs sprinkle with bacon crumbs. (*Note: avocados can turn brown quickly, but it doesn't really effect the flavor only the appearance. The lime juice will help keep the avocado green, but its best to make these shortly before your guests arrive so they look fresh and green. It is called "Green Eggs and Ham" not "Brownish Green Eggs and Ham")
Buttermilk Popcorn:
Now some of your guests are going to be picky eaters, especially if you have kids in attendance, and they may very well turn their noses up at green deviled eggs and pimento cheese with green peppers rather than red in it, but everybody loves popcorn. When Skinny Mom and I can find a sitter for Tiny Toddler our favorite thing to do is head off to an afternoon movie. Usually Skinny Mom picks the movie and its some cheesy affair featuring Sandra Bullock and a foppish Brit with flippy hair and a perfect smile. Fortunately, Skinny Mom knows how to keep me happy so she plies me with a ginormous bag of buttery movie popcorn. After a tub of that stuff it doesn't matter what's on the screen, only that the theater is cold enough to chill a very stuffed Fat Dad. For years I was content to eat movie popcorn just the way it came; spilling out of the bag and topped with a melty, greasey butter like substance. But lately, the fine folks at the local picture show have really stepped up their game. Now they have this little condiment counter where you can find a half dozen shakers full of various powders that range in flavor from nacho cheese to cinnamon. Skinny Mom and I like the ranch. Its tangy and salty and improves something that I had no idea could be improved upon. (I would note that the movie folks have had the foresight to chain these shakers to the condiment counter so that Fat Dad can't stuff them in Skinny Wife's purse and make a run for it. Fat Dad has of course found a way around this sophisticated security system: wire cutters. Innovation, people. Innovation.) For those of you who lack the intestinal fortitude to pack wire cutters and use your wife to shield your covert opps from movie theater personnel, this recipe makes a fine and tasty substitute. The recipe makes way more than you will need for just one serving, so just keep the rest in your fridge and sprinkle liberally any time you have popcorn. It will keep for a few months.
ingredients:
1 cup powdered buttermilk
5 1/4 Tbs garlic powder
5 1/4 Tbs onion powder
5 1/4 Tbs lemon pepper
2 3/4 Tbs dried dill
2 3/4 Tbs Kosher salt
1 bag microwave popcorn
melted butter (optional)
Mix the first six ingredients in a small bowl. Pop the popcorn. If you are using melted butter mix it with the popcorn in a large bowl till all the popcorn is well coated. Sprinkle 2 - 2 1/2 Tbs of powder mix over popcorn and stir to coat.
The Beer Shandy:
While Fat Dad explicitly makes most of his backyard BBQs BYOB, he always likes to provide at least one specialty drink to get things started and to help quench the thirst of the cheap bastards who always seem to show up empty handed. When its smoking hot outside you need something refreshing and bubbly but still manly enough to seem at home at a BBQ. The beer shandy fits the bill to a T. Simply put, a beer shandy is beer mixed with lemon-lime soda. Sounds odd I know, but when you think about how often you tuck a lime wedge into your imported Mexican brew and what a difference that splash of citrus makes it starts to make sense. Since your mixing the beer with soda a six pack goes a long way so you can afford to splurge on the good stuff. Plus, when your drinking shandys you don't' get near as full so there is still plenty of room for the food left to come.
ingredients (makes one drink):
Dark Mexican Beer such as Negro Modelo
Lemon-lime soda such as Sprite or 7-up
Limes
Using a red silo cup, fill the cup half full with ice. Fill the cup 3/4 full with beer. Top off with lemon-lime soda. Stir. Garnish with slice of lime.
The Main Course:
After your guests have had a few shandys and nibbled on The Snacks, they will be eager to see what you have planned for the main affair. This menu will not disappoint. And best of all alot of the more time consuming portions of these recipes can be prepared in advance, if you like, to free up more time for socializing and unauthorized trophy wife oggling.
BBQ Rib Pizza:
I know. I am a genius. Ribs rock. Pizza is awesome. Fat Dad combines these two tasty treats to create the best invention since the iPhone. And since these pizzas come without a a monthly service charge some might argue its even better. For ease of preparation Fat Dad has broken the recipe down into its component parts.
For the Ribs:
ingredients:
1/2 cup salt
1/4 cup pepper
1 Tbs garlic powder
1 Tbs oregano
1 Tbs celerey seed
1 Tbs paprika
1 Tbs chili powder
1 cup apple cider
2 racks baby back ribs
4-5 large chunks of hickory, soaked in a bowl of water for about an hour
Mix the first 7 ingredients (everything but the cider and ribs) in a bowl and set aside. Mix 2 Tbs of the spice mix with the apple cider and warm in a small sauce pan on the stove. Do not boil. Pat the ribs dry with paper towels then coat both sides liberally with spice mix. Wrap in aluminum foil and refridgerate while you prep the grill.
In a charcoal grill light one chimney full of briquets. When they are covered in white ash (about 20-30 minute) pour the lit coals into the bottom of your grill and divide into 2 even piles, one on each side of the grill. You want to leave a path down the middle large enough to hold a disposable aluminum pan. The space should be large enough so that when the grill rack is set in place above the coals you will have a space large enough to put the ribs so that no part of the ribs is over the coals. Place the wood chunks on top of the coals and put the grill rack in place over the coals. Put the lid on with the lid vent opened half way. Let the grill heat up for about 5 minutes. Once its good and hot place the ribs down the middle of the grill so they are not over the coals, bone side down. Put the lid back on and leave it alone for 45 minutes.
After 45 minutes remove the lid and brush the ribs liberally with the cider mixture. Put the lid back on and mop again in 30 minutes. Put the lid back on. After about another 30 minutes the ribs should be done. The meat will have shrunk back from the bone about a 1/2 inch, and you should be able to pull them apart with your hands. Remove to a cutting board to cool, brush one more time with the cider.
Once the ribs are cool enough to handle you will cut them apart. But since these are going to end up on a pizza you will want to cut them differenlty than you are used to. Instead of cutting through the meat between the bones to seperate the ribs you will want to cut through the meat as close to the bones as possible. This will give you a boneless rib. Cut each boneless rib crosswise into thirds, cover and set aside. ( The cooking of the ribs can be done the day before, but don't cut them because they could dry out. You will want to cut them shortly before you are going to use them. Also bring to room temperature before you put them on the pizza).
For the Pizza Dough:
ingredients:
2 Tbs olive oil
1 cup room temperature water
2 cups bread flour
2 tsp sugar
1 1/4 table salt
1 tsp instant yeast
Combine olive oil and water in a cup. Place flour, sugar, salt and yeast in a food processor with a dough blade and process 5-10 seconds to mix. With the machine running slowly add liquid until a sticky dough ball forms that pulls away from the sides of the processor. If a dough ball does not form add 1 tsp of flour at at time until it does. Spray a large mixing bowl with Pam and drop the dough ball in there. Press down to flatten surface and then cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap. Set in a draft free spot for 2 hours until dough has doubled in size.
*Once the dough has doubled, press down gently to deflate and turn it out onto a floured surface. Divide into 4 equal portions and gently form into balls. press the balls down to flatten, cover and allow to rest about 15-20 minutes.
Once the dough has rested roll each piece out on a lightly floured surface using a floured rolling pin into a 9 0r 10 inch circle about a 1/4 inch thick. Be careful not to roll too thin or the pizza will burn on the grill. You can stack the rolled out dough between pieces of floured parchement paper then cover with plastic wrap until ready to use.
Making and Grilling the Pizza:
ingredients:
rib pieces
pizza dough rounds
1 cup of your favorite BBQ sauce (homemade or bottled, when I'm feeling lazy I use Loose Lip Larry's Spicy BBQ sauce)
Couple dozen dill pickle slices
1/2 cup coursely grated sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup coursely grated mozerella cheese
Light a chimney of briquets and when a white ash has formed on all pour into the bottom of your grill. Spread into a single even layer that covers the entire bottom grate. Place the grill rack on top, open the lid vents about 1/2 way and let the grill heat up about 5 minutes. Once the grill is good and hot scrape it clean with a grill brush. Use tongs to rub the grill with a paper towel wad dippped in vegetable oil to lubricate the grill and prevent your pizza from sticking.
Mix the cheeses together well.
Working with one dough round at a time, place the dough round on a pizza peel if you have one or the back of a cookie sheet if you don't, and slide the dough round onto the grill. Watch it carefully or it will burn. When the top of the round begins to bubble check the underside. What you are looking for are grill marks, browning and a little charring. This will only take a couple of minutes. Remove from grill with tongs back to the pizza peel/cookie sheet. Flip the round over and spread with 1/4 cup sauce, 1/4 of the rib pieces, 1/4 of the pickle slices and 1/4 cup of the cheese mixture. Slide the pizza back on the grill and cook just until the cheese melts and the bottom begins to brown. Repeat with remainng 3 pizza rounds. Slice pizza and serve.
* if you don't feel like going through the hassell of making your own dough you can purchase premade dough from the bakery of your local grocery store. Sometimes its out in the refridgerated bread case, but if you don't see it just ask someone for it. If you use premade dough you can just pick up the recipe where you see the purple astric.
BBQ Chicken Nachos:
Everybody loves nachos, but I bet you've never seen anyone cook them on a grill. I borrowed a trick from a local sandwhich shop and have added Doritos to the mix along with the traditional corn chips.
ingredients:
2 quarts cold water
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup table salt
5 chicken thighs
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 clove garlic finely minced
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp kosher salt
1/3 cup olive oil
2 cups Doritos
2 cups corn tortilla chips
1 1/2 cups shredded Pepper Jack cheese
pickled jalapeno slices (optional)
disposable round baking sheet
In a large bowl or stock pot mix the cold water with the sugar and table salt until the sugar and salt dissolve. Add chicken. Cover and let the chicken soak for at least an hour and up to 24.
Meanwhile, place lemon juice, garlic, pepper flakes, kosher salt and olive oil in a jar with a tight fitting lid and shake vigorously to mix. Set aside.
Prepare grill. Light chimney full of briquets. When a white ash forms on all pour briquets into bottom of grill and spread in an even layer over 3/4 of the bottom of the grill. Place grill rack over coals, and cover with grill lid. Let heat 5 minutes then scrape grill to clean. Rub grill rack with paper towel wad dipped in oil. Place chicken over coals and grill until it reaches an internal temperature of 165. If the meat starts to brown too quickly slide it over to the the cool side of the grill. Keep an eye on things, the chicken can burn up quickly if you take your eye off of it for a minute.
When the chicken is cooked through remove it from the grill and place in a large bowl. Pour lemon/oil mixture over and toss to coat. Let cool. When the chicken is cool enough to handle pull it from the bone and shred. Set aside.
Pile the Doritos and tortilla chips on the disposable baking sheet and mix. Top with shredded chicken, jalepenos if using, and Pepper Jack cheese. Place baking sheet back on the grill and cover. Cook 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.
Grilled Okra:
With all that meat and cheese even Fat Dad needs some greens. Here in Montgomery we are fortunate to have a great farmer's market, and this time of year the stalls are full of fat, fresh picked okra. If you are fortunate enough to have a farmer's market near you head on down and grab some okra. For this dish the bigger pods work best, but medium size are fine too. One of the best things about this dish is that cooking the okra this way keeps them crisp and keeps them from getting slimy which is the biggest complaint most folks have about okra. This is really an okra dish for folks who don't like okra.
ingredients:
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp lemon pepper
1/4 tsp celery seed
2 Tbs melted butter
1 lb fresh okra
Keep the okra in the fridge until you are ready to coat them in the spices. Mix first 5 ingredients in a small bowl. Remove the okra from the fridge and place in a large bowl. Pour butter over okra and toss to coat. Because the okra is cold the butter will congele around them encasing each pod in a thin layer of butter. This helps the spice stick. If you use room temperature okra this will not happen. Toss the okra with the spice mix until each pod is well coated. If you have them, thread the okra on flat metal skewers. This will keep them from rolling around and falling through the grill rack. Cook the okra over a medium hot fire. ( If you just finished cooking the nachos there should be plenty of heat left to cook the okra, otherwise just build a single layer fire). Cook on each side 2-3 minutes just until grill marks start to form and the orka is black in spots. Remove from the grill, slide off the skewers into a bowl and serve immediately.
The Dessert:
Fat Dad always likes something sweet at the end of a meal. However at the end of a grill-fest like this one Fat Dad's usually way too tired and way too buzzed to be trying to put anything too fancy together. Fat Dad finds its best to prepare a make ahead dessert that can be pulled out and served with minimal effort. This one's easy and delicious and screams backyard BBQ.
Ice Cream S'more Pie:
ingredients:
2 quarts chocolate ice cream
12 chocolate covered graham crackers
1 graham cracker pie crust
1 cup marshmallow fluff
1 cup mini marshmallows
Let the ice cream soften until its easy to spread, 15-20 minutes. Fill pie crust half way with ice cream and use back of a spoon to level and smooth. Put chocolate covered graham crackers in a ziplock plastic bag and use a rolling pin or meat mallet to break into pieces. Cover chocolate ice cream with graham cracker pieces, cover and freeze 30 minutes. Take pie out of freezer and fill pie crust to top edge with remaining ice cream. Cover and freeze 30 more minutes. Take pie out of freezer and spread marshmallow fluff on top of pie, completely covering ice cream. Cover fluff with mini marshmallows. Push down gently to make sure marshmallows stick. Cover and put in freezer until ready to serve.
When you are ready to serve the pie, turn on your broiler. When its good and red hot remove the pie from the freezer and place on a cookie sheet. Put the pie under the broiler just until the marshmallows begin to brown. Remove, cut into slices and serve.
Well that's it. I hope you enjoy my twist on your traditional 4th of July BBQ. Keep in mind the recipes are just suggestions, feel free to play with them all you want. You can add whatever topping you want to the pizzas, use vanilla ice cream instead of chocolate in the S'more pie, or just plain ignore some of the recipes and make up your own. A backyard BBQ should be about relaxing with friends and family, sipping down a few adult beverages and strapping on the feed bag. Try not to stress out and over-compllicate things and you're sure to have a good time. As the great Luciano Pavarotti ( a true fat dad if there every was one) once said, "One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." Happy 4th of July and happy eating.
